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Hartselle Enquirer

Mad as a hatter? There’s a reason

By By Michelle Blaylock, Mom’s Corner
As my husband was taking apart our vacuum cleaner in an effort to fix it this weekend, I began to think about all the things I have learned about appliances since having children.
First of all, never assume children just know how to properly use appliances, even if they have watched you use an appliance since they were newborns.
For example, my kids have watched my husband and I make soup in the microwave since they were little.
However, it never occurred to one of them that the soup had to be taken out of the can before heating it in the microwave.
Thank goodness we caught her before she started the microwave!
We have also discovered microwaves do not like crayons (they explode), spoons (awful noise, pretty sparks), aluminum foil (noisy, sparks, gets very hot, very fast), hard boiled eggs (they explode too), peeps (like the Easter candy, don't ask), melamine bowls and plates, (they will explode — at least sometimes), and some soaps (they create lots of bubbles).
However, even when "properly" using a microwave, sometimes things go wrong. Several years ago one of my brothers decided to make himself a hot dog in the microwave.
Unfortunately, instead of 30 seconds he accidentally set it for 30 minutes and then walked off, got involved in a TV program and about 27 minutes later, daddy asked my brother if he was cooking something.
Of course by then the damage was done — well done, very well done, and so was the hot dog! Mom and dad got to buy a new microwave. It was unable to be cleaned. They said the smell was so bad that they had to take the microwave out of the house that day!
Secondly, do not assume that just because a child knows how to use an appliance they will not have a blonde moment and do something silly.
That is why most directions tell you that children should only operate appliances with adult supervision.
When I was growing up, my mom had this wonderful recipe for homemade ranch dressing.
However, it had to be done with a blender. She had carefully taught me how to use the blender and how to measure all the ingredients.
Not too long after, momma was gone one day and daddy and I were making dinner. I was making the dressing.
I carefully measured everything. I blended it once and then, as Momma had taught me, I stirred the dressing to make sure nothing was caught by the blades.
Unfortunately, I got side- tracked and left the spoon in the blender.
I popped the lid on and gave it a whirl.
The lid flew off, the spoon flew out, and salad dressing went everywhere! Daddy just looked at me, began laughing and finally choked out, "Better get that cleaned up before you momma gets home."
My parents eventually had to paint the ceiling to get rid of the salad dressing stains.
Third, children are literal and a bit lazy. I told a child to go mow the yard. She did and she mowed over everything that was in the way. Why? Because she was not told to pick it up.
Yeah, she got in trouble for that one.
You know, husbands are like that too sometimes. I told my husband to "dump" the laundry in the basket into the washer. He did.
The problem is the kids had hidden a 10-pound barbell in the basket thinking it would be funny when Mom picked it up.
My husband just "dumped" the entire basket in the washer.
When the washer went into the spin cycle the end of the barbell broke off and went through the tub of the washer and put a dent in the side of the washer that was the size of a dinner plate. The result was a lot of water in the basement and a new washing machine for me.
I have also learned that:
Lawn mowers do not like bricks.
Vacuum cleaners do not like Barbie clothes, rubber bands, hair ponies, paper clips, plastic, bobby pins, thread, hair, curtains, toy soldiers, Legos, and unless it is a wet/dry vac you should not try to suck the water from a stopped up drain (thank my brothers for that little insight).
Toasters do not like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, magnetic letters, or popsicle sticks
Drains do not like paraffin wax, popsicle sticks, bobby pins, hair barrettes, or toy soldiers.
Dryers do not like chapstick, chocolate, gum, crayons, and stickers really stick once they go through the dryer.
Curling irons should not be used to "iron" Barbie clothes or their hair.
Cell phones do not like apple juice, kool-aid, lakes, toilets, whirlpools, or in general, any liquid.
Magnets are not friends with televisions, computers, DVD players, CDs and DVDs.
It is a real pain to clean diet cola out of the freezer after the can explodes. (Husband figured that one out.)
French fries will catch on fire if dropped in the bottom of an oven. (Not a good plan, when it is Mom's brand new oven. I had owned it about 24 hours.)
Dishwashers should not be used to give a shower to a Barbie.
Dishwashers will cause the bristles to fall out of a toothbrush.
Mixers can fling mashed potatoes about six feet.
I have learned a lot about appliances in the last 21 years. Mostly what I have learned can be summed up with: "Don't let my children near them!" Hope you have a great week. If you have a question or comment for Mom's Corner, please e-mail it to: moms-corner@juno.com

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