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Hartselle Enquirer

Marriages end over toothpaste

By Staff
Leada Gore, Editor
Experts say there are several topics couples should discuss before they marry. These include religion, children and sharing of household duties. Agreement on these topics goes a long way towards ensuring a happy, successful marriage.
That's what the experts say.
They are wrong.
I assert there are three things couples should agree on, but they are not the larger, grand issues mentioned above. They are three small things that can, if a couple doesn't see eye to eye on, drive the both crazy.
Those three topics are: proper method for squeezing toothpaste, opening containers and boxes and packing.
The first topic – the toothpaste one – involves whether you squeeze from the bottom or prefer to apply pressure in the middle.
At my house, Greg is a bottom of the tube squeezer. I'm more random. After months (yes, months) of discussions on this, I finally bought the pump type of toothpaste. While we didn't reach agreement on toothpaste squeezing, the handy pump did solve our problem.
No answer has yet to be found on opening boxes, however. As with the toothpaste, Greg is orderly. He opens boxes and containers at the tops, trying to follow the directions on the box. Then, when it's time to close the box again, he simply folds it over and tucks everything back in where it belongs.
Not me. I prescribe to the "tear it open in anyway possible just to get at things quicker," philosophy. This has led to more than a few discussions as to why the cereal is stale. It also led to discussions of purchasing one of those seal-a-meal type contraptions, though Greg is convinced I would just grab scissors and start hacking into the sealed containers.
The third major marriage issue is packing. Like many men, Greg is a light packer. I am convinced he could go on a month-long European vacation and carry nothing more than a backpack.
I, on the other hand, carry two large suitcases for a weekend trip. Greg vows I can't leave the house without at least two changes of clothes.
He's right. You never know when an impromptu party will break out and you will need a cocktail dress and matching shoes. You have to have something to put these things in, therefore you need to carry several bags with you.
I realize some of you may think there are more important issues in a marriage than toothpaste, cereal boxes and suitcases. But, if you think back to your last spat, I can almost guarantee you it involved – at least partly- a tube of Crest.

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