Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Granite Stone
Leada DeVaney, Editor
On June 12, a bride named Katie Boring wed Nathan Bland.
Participants say it was an exciting affair.
"We had family and a bunch of college and high school friends there, and our reception was at a winery," the Bland groom said in a published report. "We all had a great time."
The merger of Boring and Bland landed them on late-night talk shows, where they became the butt of jokes.
Still, the bride remained upbeat about her recent name change.
"I don't think little kids use the word 'bland' that much," Mrs. Boring-Bland said. "But 'boring' – I've been made fun of forever."
You have to respect Mrs. Boring-Bland for having the courage to marry someone who's name is going to add to the teasing she's experienced all these years. You have to wonder, though, if she didn't think of this ahead of time and therefore rule Mr. Bland out of the dating possibilities.
For example, when I was in college, I briefly dated a person who's last name was "Lampkin." Everything was going fine until my roommate informed me that, if we ever made it past the two dates we had been on and actually married, my name would become Leada Lampkin.
I never went out with him again.
After this incident, I began ruling out those prospective mates who's names didn't match well with mine.
Gone was Jerrod Mulvaney, as I couldn't be Leada DeVaney Mulvaney. If you follow that logic, you can scratch all the McRaineys, McDaveys and McShaneys off the list as well.
And, just in case I ever met someone with the last name "Beeda," I pledged not to marry him, no matter what. "Leada Beeda" was too great an obstacle to overcome.
Another college friend, after learning of my naming issue, announced that he, Mark Stone, was looking for someone who's name would combine with his for an ever-lasting impression.
He wasn't worrying about rhyming. He wanted something unique.
"Maybe I could marry someone who's name is "Rosetta," he said, referring to the Egyptian artifact found years ago. "I doubt I could find someone named "Granite."
"How about if you married a woman named "Moss on a Rolling?" my roommate said. "You could name your child "Sinking" or "Throw the First."
As things have worked out, I'm marrying someone with the last name "Gore." I like the name, as it's short, easy to spell and pronounce. Best of all, it doesn't rhyme with "Leada."
It's a good thing my first name isn't Lenore.