Best Of The Best

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My paper towels don't coordinate

By By Leada DeVaney
According to an article in last weekend's Birmingham News, we will one day all become our mothers.
According to the author, it's unavoidable.
While the premise seems reasonable enough, I know I personally have a long way to go.
Take paper towels for example.
My mother and I were shopping at a store in Birmingham (she lives there) recently when she stopped to look at the array of paper towel offerings. She must have stood there and examined the possibilities for five minutes.
Not being able to stand it any longer, I finally asked her what she was doing.
"I was looking for a pretty spring pattern that matched the kitchen," she said.
I looked at her with amazement.
"People pay attention to the patterns on paper towels?" I asked. "I don't even buy paper towels. I just grab whatever is available."
My mother gazed at me with a look of horror I haven't seen since I wore I leather skirt to a bridal shower.
I hope she doesn't blame herself for raising me wrong. I'm sure it was something I picked up at that liberal arts college.
In my defense, mother does pay a lot of attention to details such as paper towel patterns. She's a marketer's dream -she loves to buy whatever is new at the grocery store. She brought home green ketchup after it came out; and had cartons of lemon Diet-Coke as soon as they were available.
One of her happiest moments was the day they came out with the plastic, disposable leftover containers, followed shortly by the introduction of elasticized plastic wrap covers.
She bought them all to match.
Me, I just use an old plate and some aluminum foil. It served the same purpose.
If you ever want to know what the newest grocery store offering is, just visit my mother's pantry. She has Little Debbie Snack Cakes to coordinate with the nearest holidays and Goldfish crackers with smiley faces on them.
She has University of Alabama ice-cream and popsicles in the shape of Mickey Mouse in the freezer.
Me? I'm fortunate just to remember to go buy groceries most days. The only pattern on food is the mold left on the three-week old bread.
I did buy some paper towels, though. I got them on sale and didn't pay attention to the pattern. I didn't realize until I got home that they had Christmas trees all over them.
Please don't tell my mother.

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